Noj Apeem

“I've got a better idea," said Spidroth. She walked up to the entrance to the corridor, then quickly slammed her foot down on one of the pressure plates, before moving it out of the way again. As soon as the pressure plate was pressed, the dispensers along the walls of the corridor began blasting out arrows: hundreds and hundreds of arrows all down the length of the corridor. The husks began BURRing in pain and panic as they were shot full of arrows. It was a husk massacre, with hundreds of the gray-brown zombies dying every second. Before long, all the husks had been slain, leaving piles of rotten flesh all over the floor. "Wow, Spidroth," said Carl, in awe, "that was… That was pretty ruthless." "Yes, well, I'm a pretty ruthless person," said Spidroth. "You'd do well to remember that, creeper." And for once, Carl didn't dare to make a sarcastic comment.”
― Dave Villager, Dave the Villager 31: An Unofficial Minecraft Story

“These… are… the… most… delicious… potatoes… EVER!” Carl said, his mouth stuffed full. “Carl, old chap,” said Porkins, “could I try one of those potatoes?” “NO!” said Carl.”
― Dave Villager, Dave the Villager 10: An Unofficial Minecraft Book

“What happened to Conko? Um… Herobrine gave him one-million emeralds and let him go free. He definitely didn’t get eaten by Enderbrine. Definitely not.”
― Dave Villager, Dave the Villager 31: An Unofficial Minecraft Story

“He didn’t leave me to die,” said the cowman. “Master Creepo respects me too much. I’m his invaluable servant.”
― Dave Villager, Dave the Villager 31: An Unofficial Minecraft Story