❀ Minesha ❀

“I ONLY steal because my dear old family needs the money to live!”

Locke Lamora made this proclamation with his wineglass held high; he and the other Gentlemen Bastards were seated at the old witchwood table in the opulent burrow beneath the House of Perelandro; Calo and Galdo on his right, Jean and Bug on his left. A huge spread of food was set before them, and the celestial chandelier swung overhead with its familiar golden light. The others began to jeer.

“Liar!” they chorused in unison.

“I only steal because this wicked world won’t let me work an honest trade!” Calo cried, hoisting his own glass.

“Liar!”

“I only steal because I have to support my poor lazy twin brother, whose indolence broke our mother’s heart!” Galdo elbowed Calo as he made this announcement.

“Liar!”

“I only steal,” said Jean, “because I’ve temporarily fallen in with bad company.”

“Liar!”

At last the ritual came to Bug; the boy raised his glass a bit shakily and yelled, “I only steal because it’s heaps of fucking fun!”

“BASTARD!”
― Scott Lynch, The Lies of Locke Lamora

“I don’t believe you,” said Conté. “I wouldn’t fucking believe you if you told me my name was Conté. I wouldn’t believe you if you told me fire was hot and water was wet.”
― Scott Lynch, The Lies of Locke Lamora

“He cleared his throat. “You need to pick a safe word.”
“What on earth is a safe word?”
He smothered a sigh. This was proving to be more work than he thought it’d be. “It’s a word you use when you want things to stop.”
“How about I use the word ‘stop’?” She sounded sarcastic.
“That’s not how it works. You need a word that you wouldn’t normally use during sex.”
“Fine. How about ‘dumbass’?”
“I don’t think you’re getting into the spirit of this.”
“Really? You think?”
“Fine. Dumbass it is.” There was no dealing with her when she was in this mood. “If you use your safe word, everything stops.”
“Good.” She took a deep breath. “Dumbass,” she shouted.
Andrew wasn’t sure what to do next. This was not going the way it did in the books.”
― Janet Elizabeth Henderson, Goody Two Shoes

“How can you tell if someone is a vegan? Just wait ten minutes and they’ll tell you.”
― Graeme Simsion, The Rosie Project