Rynn

“I look into the future and see my brother's face, impossibly middle-aged. His daughter has rejected all of his values, and stands now on the dais of a major university, the valedictorian preparing to deliver her commencement speech. What will she think when her dad stands in the aisle, releasing a hog call and raising his T-shirt to reveal the jiggling message painted upon his bare stomach? Will she turn away, as my father predicts, or might she remember all the nights she awoke to discover him: this slob, this lump, this silly drooling toy asleep at her feet.”
― David Sedaris, Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim

“Their house had real hardcover books in it, and you often saw them lying open on the sofa, the words still warm from being read.”
― David Sedaris

“Listen, you might want to pack a few of your things together before going to bed. The former bishop of Turkey will be coming tonight along with six to eight black men. They might put some candy in your shoes, they might stuff you into a sack and take you to Spain, or they might just pretend to kick you. We don't know for sure, but we want you to be prepared."
This was the reward for living in the Netherlands. As a child you get to hear this story, and as an adult you get to turn around and repeat it.”
― David Sedaris, Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim

“Three days after that, the funeral was held, and while riding from the church to the cemetery Ava looked out the widow and noticed that everyone she passed was crying.

"Old people, college students, even the colored men at the gas station-- the soul brothers, or whatever we're supposed to call them now."

It was such an outdated term, I just had to use it myself.

"How did the soul brothers know your father?"

"That's just it," she said. "No one told us until after the burial that Kennedy had been shot. It happened when we were in the church, so that's what everyone was so upset about. The president, not my father.”
― David Sedaris, When You Are Engulfed in Flames