Piper

“Sorry, but I'd rather sit home eating Vienna sausage straight from the can watching Andy Griffith reruns than be forced to dine with that Oompa-Loompa!”
― Piper Faust, Idiots I've Seen Naked

“He's probably somewhere right now eating a Big-N-Tasty. The man has a coffee pot, a microwave, AND a mini refrigerator in his classrooom. If you plan on having a conversation with him, I suggest you do it over the phone. Otherwise, you'll need a motorcycle helmet just to avoid the Snickers shrapnel flying from his mouth!”
― Piper Faust, Idiots I've Seen Naked

“I was hoping against hope he'd refill his Prozac so we could be in love again, but, sadly, that never happened.”
― Piper Faust, Idiots I've Seen Naked

“The only feel-good situation I could hypothetically equate it to would be lying in a kiddie pool full of cotton candy while spinning around and around with my tongue hanging out!”
― Piper Faust, Idiots I've Seen Naked