Jake H

“It was a multicoloured world of make-believe, a million miles away from their black-and-white existence. “Take me to the haunted house again, Daddy!” the boy would beg. “Perhaps today, my pup, we will take a journey to the old haunted castle…!” Dad would tease. “Please, please, please…” Alfie would say. Father and son would close their eyes and meet in their daydreams. Together they: • Went out fishing for the day in Scotland and caught the Loch Ness Monster.”
― David Walliams, Demon Dentist

“Barry lay in his bed, fuming. He’d gone straight to his room, without cleaning his teeth or anything, and slammed the door. But it had just come back at him as his door didn’t really shut properly unless you closed it carefully, jiggling the handle up as you did it. So he’d had to do that after his slam, which felt completely at odds with a show of rage. He lay there in his onesie – a zebra one, with ears and a tail, which was too big for him because it had been passed down from Lukas – and stared at his room. His head”
― David Baddiel, The Blockbuster Baddiel Collection: The Parent Agency; The Person Controller; AniMalcolm

“The porter lowered his head, and the other children exchanged nervous looks. It was clear this lady intimidated them all too. With a flick of her hand, Matron brushed the porter aside, and he stumbled a little to steady himself. “Let me look at this bump,” she said as she peered over the boy. “Mmm, yes, that is a nasty bump. You should have an X-ray first thing in the morning.” The porter rolled his eyes at Tom, but once again the boy didn’t react.”
― David Walliams, The Midnight Gang

“With no mum or brothers or sisters, Alfie had to care for his father alone. Besides having to go to school and do his homework, the boy would do all the shopping, all the cleaning, cook all the meals, and do all the washing up. Alfie never complained though. He loved his dad with all his heart.”
― David Walliams, Demon Dentist