Jake H

“Barry lay in his bed, fuming. He’d gone straight to his room, without cleaning his teeth or anything, and slammed the door. But it had just come back at him as his door didn’t really shut properly unless you closed it carefully, jiggling the handle up as you did it. So he’d had to do that after his slam, which felt completely at odds with a show of rage. He lay there in his onesie – a zebra one, with ears and a tail, which was too big for him because it had been passed down from Lukas – and stared at his room. His head”
― David Baddiel, The Blockbuster Baddiel Collection: The Parent Agency; The Person Controller; AniMalcolm

“The porter lowered his head, and the other children exchanged nervous looks. It was clear this lady intimidated them all too. With a flick of her hand, Matron brushed the porter aside, and he stumbled a little to steady himself. “Let me look at this bump,” she said as she peered over the boy. “Mmm, yes, that is a nasty bump. You should have an X-ray first thing in the morning.” The porter rolled his eyes at Tom, but once again the boy didn’t react.”
― David Walliams, The Midnight Gang

“BONG! BONG! BONG! BONG! BONG! BONG! BONG! BONG! BONG! BONG! BONG! BONG!”
― David Walliams, The Midnight Gang

“the window on the count of three. But even with all of Miss Veal’s”
― David Walliams, Demon Dentist