Mike Briggs

“It was astoundingly difficult to woo a lady who thought she was either trying to purchase a chicken or a few tomatoes from her, or ask her for directions.”
― Colette Moody, The Sublime and Spirited Voyage of Original Sin

“I recommend we don’t open this until Scotland or the bloody thing will projectile vomit all over the motorway.”
― Lyn Gardner, Mistletoe

“This is ridiculous, she thought. I’m possessed of terrifying powers. Why am I relying on a ridiculous little gun that I picked because I thought it was cute? I don’t need this thing. She threw it contemptuously over her shoulder. Damn right! I took out a house of weird fungal cultists that had devoured three teams of supernatural SWAT teams. I am a badass. She paused and expanded her senses outward, searching for any kind of life. Okay, nothing. At least, she thought uneasily, nothing that I can detect. But then why does it smell so bad down here? There’s something foul wandering the underground tunnels beneath my”
― Daniel O'Malley, The Rook

“I don’t know what the exact physical dynamics are that cause a shower curtain to attach itself to your body when you turn on the water but, since my shower was surrounded on all sides by curtains, I turned on the water and became a vinyl, vacuum-sealed sheriff burrito.”
― Craig Johnson, The Cold Dish