Snark Quotes

“Spike (to Giles) : Oh, poor Watcher. Did your life pass before your eyes — 'Cuppa tea, cuppa tea... almost got shagged... cuppa tea'?”
― Marti Noxon, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

“What do you want, MacGuffin, a duel?”
“No.” Julian held out both hands, one palm flat, the other held over it in a fist. “Rock, paper, scissors. Two out of three.”
Ty rolled his eyes and held out his fist, apparently willing to play. Julian hit his palm three times, and Ty kept time with his fist in the air. But when Julian threw a paper, Ty reached into his jacket with his other hand and pulled his gun, aiming it at Julian.
“Ty!” Zane said in exasperation from the front seat.
“Glock, paper, scissors. I win.”
“You are an ass,” Julian muttered.”
― Abigail Roux, Armed & Dangerous

“And pictures of perfection, as you know, make me sick and wicked.”
― Jane Austen

“Miss Fitt, you know curiosity gets men killed."
I grinned. "Then I daresay it's good I'm a woman.”
― Susan Dennard, Something Strange and Deadly

“I am very tired of this Government, which I have never seen, and which is always insisting that I must do disagreeable things, and does no good to anybody.”
― Naomi Novik, Throne of Jade

“If the apocalypse comes...beep me!”
― Joss Whedon

“You will never find me in trouble. You will find me in the library. If you can remember where that is.”
― Sarah Rees Brennan, In Other Lands

“Venom’s pupils contracted the instant before he slid his sunglasses back on.
She couldn’t help it. “Why isn’t your tongue forked?”
“Why can’t you fly?” A smirk. “Those things on your back aren’t accessories you know.”
― Nalini Singh, Archangel's Kiss

“Do you know where Jason is?” she asked Dmitri when they exited the morgue.

Dmitri pressed the car remote to unlock the flame red Ferrari parked in the employees-only lot. “Tired of your Bluebell already?” A tendril of champagne circled around her senses, cut with something far harder.

Never had she felt that harsh edge in Dmitri’s scent. She pitied the woman he took to his bed today.
“Yeah, that’s it. I’m building a harem.”
― Nalini Singh, Archangel's Consort

“A little snark, properly directed, can change the world.”
― Shannon Hale

“That's my girl," he murmured.

"I'm not your girl."

"Well," he said not bothering to hide his smile from her sightless eyes, "the good news is that the honey gave you back your sparkling personality."

"And the bad news?"

"The honey gave you back your sparkling personality.”
― Larissa Ione, Reaver

“Public opinion, in its raw state, gushes out in the immemorial form of the mob's fear. It is piped into central factories, and there it is flavored and colored, and put into cans.”
― H.L. Mencken, Notes on Democracy

“You’ve missed a lot of things. But mostly I think you’ve missed several opportunities to leave. Let me assist you to the door so that you won’t miss this next one.”
― Victoria Laurie, Abby Cooper, Psychic Eye

“You didn’t feed from her,” he said, and this was not a question.

“Swill poison? Not my kind of fun, little brother.”

One corner of Stefan’s mouth quirked up. He made no response to this, but simply looked at Damon with eyes that were... knowing. Damon bridled.

“I told the truth!”

“Going to take it up as a hobby?”
― L.J. Smith, Nightfall

“You don't have to make fun of it."

"Actually I do," I said. "I make fun of almost everything.”
― Jim Butcher, Proven Guilty

“You going to let him talk to me like that?” Driggs said to Lex. “Defend my honor, woman.”
“Defend your own honor,”
― Gina Damico, Rogue

“For the snark was a boojum, you see.”
― Lewis Carroll, The Hunting of the Snark

“Rumors had their own classic epidemiology. Each started with a single germinating event. Information spread from that point, mutating and interbreeding—a conical mass of threads, expanding into the future from the apex of their common birthplace. Eventually, of course, they'd wither and die; the cone would simply dissipate at its wide end, its permutations senescent and exhausted.

There were exceptions, of course. Every now and then a single thread persisted, grew thick and gnarled and unkillable: conspiracy theories and urban legends, the hooks embedded in popular songs, the comforting Easter-bunny lies of religious doctrine. These were the memes: viral concepts, infections of conscious thought. Some flared and died like mayflies. Others lasted a thousand years or more, tricked billions into the endless propagation of parasitic half-truths.”
― Peter Watts, Maelstrom

“Words cannot express my disappointment that I must pass on the invitation to once again witness your gelatinous buttocks swaying as you try to climb a greased pole naked in search of athletic glory. Sadly, the last occasion on which I witnessed this event had a deleterious effect on my psyche for which I am still seeking the attention of a therapist.

A.C. Kemp as Lady Arabella Snark”
― A.C. Kemp, The Perfect Insult for Every Occasion

“Roger Ebert calls snarking “cultural vandalism.” He’s right. Snark makes culture impossible, or rather, it makes the conditions that make culture possible impossible. Earnestness, honesty, vulnerability: These are the targets of snark. “Snark functions as a device to punish human spontaneity, eccentricity, nonconformity, and simple error. Everyone is being snarked into line,” he wrote.”
― Ryan Holiday

“Boys", Buffy hissed through clenched teeth, "being quiet is an important part of sneaking."
"Oh, sorry", Xander said, reducing his voice to a whisper.
"Besides, ritual sacrifice is a religious rite", Giles went on quietly. "They wouldn't sacrifice just anyone at random. It's far more likely they'd suspect you of being a Roman spy scouting for the invasion and just outright kill you".
"Oh great! Great! Way to be encouraging Giles. And I suppose you'll just watch that happen, in your Watchery way.”
― Alice Henderson, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Vol. 1

“John: I'm experiencing an odd sensation. I think it might be patriotism.
Spitfire: Steady. Too much of that can damage your health.”
― Paul Cornell, Captain Britain and MI13, Vol. 1: Secret Invasion

“The following Discourse [on art, by Sir Joshua Reynolds] is particularly Interesting to Blockheads as it endeavours to prove that There is No such thing as Inspiration & that any Man of a plain Understanding may by Thieving from Others become a Mich Angelo.”
― William Blake

“I always thought I caught you in . . . a phase. His left eyebrow makes a fancy arch. Apparently you're just like this.”
― Christina Lauren, Josh and Hazel's Guide to Not Dating

“How devastated I am to say that I will not be present at your petite soiree on June 10th. Unfortunately, the exceptionally weak drinks you ordinarily serve at these occasions are not sufficient to dull my senses to your boyfriend's futile efforts to grope me in the hallway.”
― A.C. Kemp, The Perfect Insult for Every Occasion

“As distasteful as it is to decline your invitation, I'm afraid that it is preferable to attending yet another half-assed weekend eating gunky canapes in that cesspool of a shack you call a beach cottage.”
― A.C. Kemp, The Perfect Insult for Every Occasion

“This “who’s on top” banter continues until one wrestler (who has slyly gone to hide behind a chair) leaps upon his rival with an animal cry. The pair then proceeds to create a series of tableaux that appear to be from the Kama Sutra, Vatsyayana's ancient Indian textbook of carnal satisfaction. Occasionally, the tension is broken by a wrestler who picks up a large object, such as a table, to throw on the other's head, as if suddenly disgusted by his forbidden love.”
― A.C. Kemp, The Perfect Insult for Every Occasion

“I always wonder why condescending snarkiness is the chosen method of communication for so many forum users. It seems to me like these things would be much better expressed in non-confrontational, polite manner.”
― Gavin Dunne

“I'm a writer, not a DJ. I don't take requests.”
― Kate LeDonne

“You're really calling a sick, traumatized gay kid theatrical? Aboard a giant warship painted up like 'Anything Goes?' Baby, it's all theater to me. You're the scientist, allegedly.”
― Ryan La Sala, The Dead of Summer