arushee

“I was back in the world but not of the world. That I could be out in public, shell-shocked, and not have anyone notice the hole that had been blasted through my gut proved to me I really was invisible.”
― Peter Gajdics, The Inheritance of Shame

“He reached out for me and held on to my wrist, searching for my reassurance with his eyes half-open. In his other hand he was holding a half-eaten slice of Jarlsberg that folded limply over as he leaned toward me. I fought the urge to rip my arm away from him. I knew I should be feeling sympathy or empathy, camaraderie or compassion, but I only burned with resentment.
He was an undesirable partner in a game with the highest of stakes and insurmountable odds. He was my father and I wanted him to soberly reassure me, not try to goad me into navigating this disheartening path alone. I could not even cry in his presence for fear he would take the moment over, pit his grief against mine in a competition of who loved her more, and who had more to lose.”
― Michelle Zauner, Crying in H Mart