James

“Yes, Mom. Wrap it before you tap it. Or was it don’t be silly and wrap your willy?” Suli tapped her chin. “No. I think it was sex is cleaner with a packaged wiener!”
“SULI!” I yelped. “Where are you learning this stuff?”
“Don’t forget to cover your stump before you hump,” Albert interjected.”
― Sedona Ashe, Dinosaurs, Doubts & Albert Einswine

“I think you two are secretly friends,” I joked, as Vidrol shoved Vale to the side to avoid a rotten piece of wood jutting from the wall. Vale shoved him back. I assumed in thanks.

“Me and that pampered prince?” Vale scoffed derisively. “Not in your lifetime.”

“I only associate with nonpsychotic individuals,” Vidrol agreed.

“You only associate with pussy,” Vale shot back.

“I haven’t associated with pussy in such a long time, I’m basically as nonperforming as you are. I might as well get a hut in the woods and start wearing unflattering robes and waxing on about how everyone’s fate belongs to the water while I howl at the moon with the rest of my weird-ass sector.”

“Everything flatters me,” Vale responded calmly. “And I performed to the hilt inside the very body you went celibate for, so I can understand why you now strive to be like me.”
― Jane Washington, A World of Lost Words

“I grinned. “I got a planet for my birthday. I don’t think any other birthday is going to top this.”
Mom laughed. “Wait until you start having sex, you might be surprised.”
― Darinne Paciotti, Growing Up Godly

“When he first told me about his condition, I laughed and said, “Darling, you suffer from MAP!”

“MAP, Mistress????? What's that?” he asked innocently.

“Mistress Addiction Priapism! It's a very common ailment! Don't worry, Darling! I can take care of that any time you like!”
― Octavia Taylor