Steve Wallace

“Carl: That’s terrifying, Zev. Okay, they’re about to be pissed off. If they ask, tell them I know what I’m doing. Zev: Do you? Carl: Fuck no. I’m making this shit up as I go along.”
― Matt Dinniman, Carl's Doomsday Scenario

“Surrounds your body with tendrils of light. While ineffective against physical attacks, this spell negates 75% of incoming damage from magic-based attacks. Provides temporary immunity to mind-control effects. Higher skill levels increase both effectiveness and duration. It also makes you look all wispy and ethereal and druid-like. A great spell to have if you’re a club kid or trying to bang a vegan.”
― Matt Dinniman, Carl's Doomsday Scenario

“It was during that time she’d taken me to the circus. It hadn’t been one of the major traveling circuses, like Ringling Brothers, but a small, ghetto one. Anyone who has ever lived in the American southwest knows exactly what I’m talking about. Even little kid me had registered that this was a low-rent version of the real deal.”
― Matt Dinniman, Carl's Doomsday Scenario

“So alien abductions were really a thing?” I said. “Imagine that.” “What about the probes?” Donut asked. “I remember them talking about the probes on television.” “I assume you’re talking about anal probes?” Evo asked. “Yes, we’ve heard about this, as well. If that really happened, it was likely done by the Null. You called them the Grays. They are a nasty, unpleasant race. Perverts, all of them.”
― Matt Dinniman, Carl's Doomsday Scenario