Violet

“WE SPENT THE AFTERNOON BUILDING
"FOR SERVICE," HE SAID.
NEW PIECES, NEW PLACES, NEW PARTS
TO BE PUT HERE AND THERE AND TAKEN FOR GRANTED.
BUT IT FELT GOOD, AND I TOLD HIM THAT.
HE RESTED A PLANK ON HIS SHOULDER
LIKE A BAYONET.
AND I NEARLY LAUGHED, THINKING,
IS THIS WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO FALL IN LOVE
WITH A SOLDIER ON THE OTHER SIDE?”
― Christina Lauren, Autoboyography

“But this is your life, and it will stretch out before you, and you are the only person who can make it whatever you want it to be.”
― Christina Lauren, Autoboyography

“Love fails for a million reasons - distance, infidelity, pride, religion, money, illness. Why is this story any more worthy?
It felt like it was. It felt important. Living in this town is suffocating in so many ways.
But if a tree falls in the woods, maybe it makes no sound.
And if a boy falls for the bishop's closeted son, maybe it makes no story.”
― Christina Lauren, Autoboyography

“He is never going to be here, I thought. He is never coming back.
Was I okay with it? No. But missing him every day for the rest of my life was still easier than the fight Sebastian had: to stuff himself inside a box every morning and tuck that box inside his heart and pray that his heart kept beating around the obstacle. Every day I could go to class as exactly the person I am, and meet new people, and come outside later for some fresh air and Frisbee. Every day I would be grateful that no one who matters to me questions whether I am too masculine, too feminine, too open, too closed.
Every day I would be grateful for what I have, and that I can be who I am without judgment.
So every day I would fight for Sebastian, and people in the same boat, who don’t have what I do, who struggle to find themselves in a world that tells them white and straight and narrow gets first pick in the schoolyard game of life.
My chest was congested with regret, and relief, and resolve. Give me more of those, I thought to whoever was listening—whether it was God, or Oz, or the three sisters of Fate. Give me those moments where I think he’s coming back. I can take the hurt. The reminder that he’s not coming back—and why—will keep me fighting.”
― Christina Lauren, Autoboyography