“Whenever I do something really embarrassing. for days after the incident I live in a state of utter mortification. At night I close my eyes and my brain will yank me back to the deep well of my shame, projecting cringeworthy scenes in excruciating detail against my eyelids.”
― Check & Mate
― Check & Mate
“I observe him for a while, wondering whether it's normal, feeling — feeling so much about a single person. Surely, it's unfair. Surely, a love this deep should be reserved for the universe as a whole. But what if, to me, he's the linchpin? What if he's the stitch that keeps it all together?”
― Mate
― Mate
“To him it feels like an adventure. This. Them. Waking up every morning wondering if he'll survive his feelings for her. Seems unlikely, and yet. He always makes it to the night.”
― Mate
― Mate
“You overestimate my compassion, Elara, and underestimate how deeply mine you are. I would let the whole world burn if it kept you warm.”
― Heavenly Bodies
― Heavenly Bodies
“The most recent post was from yesterday —Christmas— and it was of the foosball table Shane had given him. No caption. He scrolled and found a photo of the exercise ball Shane had been balancing on in Ilya's gym. One of the latest puzzle Ilya had completed with Shane's dad. One of Ilya's loon tattoo.
One of the two plastic heart rings, together on Shane's dresser.
Shane realized that most or Ilya's posts were, in weird cryptic ways, about Shane. His entire account was like a secret diary of their relationship, full of inside jokes and little references that only Shane would understand.
And Shane hadn't even bothered to look at it before. Not really.
He looked now. He scrolled until his eyes were so blurry that he had to give up and sob into his hands instead. How could Shane have doubted for a second how fiercely Ilya loved him?”
― The Long Game
One of the two plastic heart rings, together on Shane's dresser.
Shane realized that most or Ilya's posts were, in weird cryptic ways, about Shane. His entire account was like a secret diary of their relationship, full of inside jokes and little references that only Shane would understand.
And Shane hadn't even bothered to look at it before. Not really.
He looked now. He scrolled until his eyes were so blurry that he had to give up and sob into his hands instead. How could Shane have doubted for a second how fiercely Ilya loved him?”
― The Long Game
Katie’s 2025 Year in Books
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