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Donya

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Crossfire

by kittebasu

bookshelves: currently-reading

Reading for the 5th time

read in December 2020

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Donya said: " As someone about to start their fifth reread of this book, i thought it was the proper time to finally get it together and give a review that i can feel somewhat satisfied with. I am a firm believer that there are no words existing to describe what t As someone about to start their fifth reread of this book, i thought it was the proper time to finally get it together and give a review that i can feel somewhat satisfied with. I am a firm believer that there are no words existing to describe what this book has done for me and made me feel, and nothing else can compare. I carry the words, phrases, quotes written in this with me everywhere i go, in everything i do and how i see this world. My connection to these characters is stronger than any others and i feel an endless flow of emotion run through me just at the thought of them. Miyuki Kazuya in particular, there will be no one else like him ever, to me. This fic captured every aspect of mental health that i struggle with myself and gave me something that i can see myself referencing forever and ever. The entirety of Miyuki’s character resonates with me so deeply and his struggles, thoughts, actions and pleasures are all things i see through into myself, and can understand like the feelings are exactly my own. Being able to take myself through his character development so realistically and thoroughly gave me the confidence that i can do it for myself, one day. The displays of love, friendship, family and the entire idea of doing what you love without having to sacrifice who you love left me reeling. As much as i immediately longed for 500k more words as soon as i finished crossfire, the feeling of contentment within all the characters in the verse that we were left with was a thousand times better for me and after so many years of leaning on this piece of literature i still struggle to fit into so many words how much this book has given me. This fic and the daiyaverse in general gave me a deep interest in baseball as well, which i get to enjoy in my day to day life now. To add to that, the metaphorical universe of gardens that is splayed throughout the entire fic takes up a humongous part of my life and it blossomed my love for plants and gardening. The foxglove tattooed on my arm, the plants scattered in my room, the pieces i’ve written surrounding the idea of comparing a garden to the web of relationships that surround you and yourself, crossfire follows me everywhere and it shows drastically. To say this is just a fanfiction to me is just absurd.

“There’s nothing wrong with your glove, Miyuki Kazuya.” This interaction is one in particular that i think about too much, quite literally all the time. The entirety of Miyuki and Sawamura’s relationship is just something that leaves me speechless time and time again. The development, the trust, the patience, the raw and genuine love between them that goes deeper than romance, it’s all so beautifully and seamlessly written with such a realistic outlook on every part of their journey and they will forever hold a huge piece of my heart. They handled eachother with such gentleness and every single interaction throughout the fic was paced just right. I adore Sawamura’s character with everything in me and his overflow of emotions for everything that is to be cherished between them i could feel in my bones. His positivity and outlook on his future really impacted me and his consistency to maintain it and be that person for Miyuki even while enduring it all himself was heartbreaking and yet so lovely to witness. It is crazy to me that someone was able to write such fulfilling and heavy characters that weaved together perfectly. (If you cant tell i would give kittebasu anything they wanted in an instant and adore them.)

“It only figures, Kazuya thinks, with relief and love both welling up inside him at once, rushing together as they attempt to push their way up into his throat, that Sawamura would send him some of the hardiest plants in the world to represent himself. Plants that will keep growing even if Kazuya neglects to water them.” I cried. One of my favorite scenes in this entire work.

"I've been waiting," Kazuya says, slipping the second ring onto his own finger, "since you were fourteen and you showed up yelling at a guy twice your size and throwing that idiosyncratic fastball of yours, to see what kind of flower you'd bloom into." He laces their fingers together.
"Instead you surprised me. You grew into the strongest tree, Sawamura Eijun, with the deepest roots.” And then everyone died.

Ahhh, and the lovely, lovely friendship that devolves between Miyuki, Sawamura, Kuramochi and Takarada, the individual friendships between them all and everyone else in their lives. Specifically Miyuki and Kuramochi’s friendship that gave me something to cry about for the rest of my days. I feel that the development of their friendship throughout the fic was so incredibly real and something that can be related to in so many aspects, from both Miyuki and Kuramochi’s points of view. Kuramochi’s support and patience was always so sincere and pure, and he made my heart hurt every time he was present, even if he was doing nothing but existing. When i think of him, I’m so glad he got such a nice ending and it was just perfect in my eyes. He and Takarada offered some of the best aspects of friendship and they knew both Miyuki and Sawamura so well that it could never be anyone else but them. Their scenes in California and during misawa’s visit to go see them in their apartment have me holding back (happy) tears all the time. Takarada’s relentless pursuit to give Miyuki someone to lean on without pushing too much always made me feel so mushy, because she succeeded so well and he loved her for it even when he pushed it away.

I feel as though i can go on for hours about Crossfire and every little thing I’ve noticed throughout my several rereads, how it’s affected even the tiniest aspects of my life and all that and i think that kittebasu’s writing is some of the best ive ever had the pleasure of reading. I did read their blog post on Crossfire’s writing development as well and it just amplified my love for this fic x50. I am a misawaer and kittebasu fan for life and even in the grave i will be rambling about them. ...more "

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"im physically mentally emotionally unwell cuz i love them so much that its starting to hurt i have a constant headache im pretty sure ive contracted a disease" — Jan 07, 2024 06:37PM

Apr 01, 2023 01:36PM · see review