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“I’ve known older men in comedy who can barely feed and clean themselves, and they still work. The women, though, they’re all “crazy.” I have a suspicion—and hear me out, ’cause this is a rough one—I have a suspicion that the definition of “crazy” in show business is a woman who keeps talking even after no one wants to fuck her anymore. The only person I can think of that has escaped the “crazy” moniker is Betty White, which, obviously, is because people still want to have sex with her.”
― Bossypants
― Bossypants

“... you couldn’t find your way out of a cul-de-sac with a map, a compass and a guide...”
― The Octunnumi Fosbit Files Prologue
― The Octunnumi Fosbit Files Prologue

“his throat, but his voice remained”
― The Bone Church
― The Bone Church

“Always say exactly what you feel. People are hurt more by misunderstanding than anything else.”
― Harriet the Spy
― Harriet the Spy

“I was not there, yet I was there. No, I did not go to the trial, I did not hear the verdict, because I knew all the time what it would be. Still, I was there. I was there as much as anyone else was there.”
― A Lesson Before Dying
― A Lesson Before Dying
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