lilea

“How can I create a helping relationship?

1) Can I be in some way that will be perceived by the other as trustworthy, dependable or consistent in some deep sense?
2) Can I be expressive enough as a person, that what I am will be communicated unambiguously?
3) Can I let myself experience positive emotions towards this person-attitudes of warmth, caring, liking, interest and respect?
4) Can I be strong enough as a person to be separate from the other? Can I be a sturdy respecter of my own needs and feelings as well as his?
5) Am I secure enough within myself to permit him, him separateness? Can I give him freedom to be or do I feel he should follow my advice, remain somewhat dependent on me or become a mold of me?
6) Can I allow myself to enter fully into the world of his feelings, personal meanings and see things as he does?
7) Can I be accepting of each facet of this other person
8) Can I act with sufficient sensitivity in the relationship, that my behaviour won't be seen as a threat?
9) Can I free him from the threat of external evaluation?
10) Can I meet this individual as a person who is in the process of becoming, or will I be bound by his past and my past?”
― Carl R. Rogers

“I would prefer my experiences in communication to have a growth-promoting effect, both on me and on the other, and I should like to avoid those communication experiences in which both I and the other person feel diminished.”
― Carl R. Rogers, A Way of Being

“Watching my clients, I have come to a much better understanding of creative people. El Greco, for example, must have realized as he looked at some of his early work, that 'good painters do not paint like that.' But somehow he trusted his own experiencing of life, the process of himself, sufficiently that he could go on expressing his own unique perceptions. It was as though he could say, 'Good artists do not paint like this, but I paint like this.' Or to move to another field, Ernest Hemingway was surely aware that 'good writers do not write like this.' But fortunately he moved toward being Hemingway, being himself, rather than toward some one else's conception of a good writer. Einstein seems to have been unusually oblivious to the fact that good physicists did not think his kind of thoughts. Rather than drawing back because of his inadequate academic preparation in physics, he simply moved toward being Einstein, toward thinking his own thoughts, toward being as truly and deeply himself as he could. This is not a phenomenon which occurs only in the artist or the genius. Time and again in my clients, I have seen simple people become significant and creative in their own spheres, as they have developed more trust of the processes going on within themselves, and have dared to feel their own feelings, live by values which they discover within, and express themselves in their own unique ways.”
― Carl R. Rogers, On Becoming a Person: A Therapist's View of Psychotherapy

“I regret it when I suppress my feelings too long and they burst forth in ways that are distorted or attacking or hurtful.”
― Carl R. Rogers, A Way of Being