Dave

“Sometimes a writer's strike is good. Maybe if we had a writer's strike now, people would have to read Shakespeare instead of James Patterson.”
― Norm Macdonald

“The termination of the civil war between Caesar and Pompey forms a new epoch in the Roman History, at which a Republic, which had subsisted with unrivalled glory during a period of about four hundred and sixty years, relapsed into a state of despotism, whence it never more could emerge. So sudden a transition from prosperity to the ruin of public freedom, without the intervention of any foreign enemy, excites a reasonable conjecture, that the constitution in which it could take place, however vigorous in appearance, must have lost that soundness of political health which had enabled it to endure through so many ages.”
― Suetonius, De vita Caesarum

“As long as the red dice are in the air, the gambler has hope. And hope is a wonderful thing to be addicted to.”
― Norm Macdonald, Based on a True Story

“I could not ignore their withering glances. They looked at me the way real vampires look at Count Chocula.”
― Norm Macdonald, Based on a True Story