Aphelion

“There are many upsides to guilt, one of which is that the anticipation of guilt can guide your behavior in such a way that it makes you more trustworthy and successful. It can lead to self-control in situations where you’d rather give up (like when you want to hit snooze and call in sick). It can cause you to uphold the goals of your employer and look out for their best interests (which can lead to promotions, recognition, and raises). It can cause you to give to those in need (a habit that leads to happiness and fulfillment). So while it can appear that guilt is a negative emotion that always steals our joy, the anticipation of guilt if we don’t live up to expectations can actually lead us to make choices that meet others’ expectations. And those choices often come with positive rewards and success. This is the upside of guilt: it can be a guide that makes you better. For example:

•GUILT PROMPTS YOU TO DO THE RIGHT THING. Over time, doing the right thing builds positive relationships, helps you reach important goals, and makes you trustworthy.

•GUILT HELPS YOU STAY TRUE TO YOUR VALUES. Staying true to your values brings peace. It also means being authentic, a necessary skill for resilience.

•GUILT IS AN INVITATION TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY. It’s healthy to own up to it when you are wrong. Guilt invites you to take responsibility for your actions.

•GUILT CAN TRIGGER POSITIVE CHANGE. If you want to align your actions with your values and be at peace, then guilt, or the anticipation of it, can motivate you to take action to change.

•GUILT CONTROLS GREED. Guilt can trigger fairness when excesses tip out of balance.”
― Valorie Burton, Let Go of the Guilt

“When adults can’t speak to their discontent, when they can’t quite figure out what it is they’re wanting, they will try anything. They drink or commit adultery or quit their jobs or run away or live vicariously through their kids or stonewall their husbands. They knock things off the counter just to feel some control. They burn down their own house to escape it, without really knowing where else to go. This is the tragedy of being an animal with a mind. We are punching the walls to stop the ache in our chest.”
― Jedidiah Jenkins, Like Streams to the Ocean: Notes on Ego, Love, and the Things That Make Us Who We Are

“Since I offer no apology, I will give instead advice, the last and best that I can give you in the life you now embark on: do not wonder if the ends justify the means. Such a question is sophistry of the worst kind. There are no means. There are no ends. There are only the worlds you may inhabit through your actions, and the world that will be forced upon you if you do not act.”
― Daystar Eld, Pokemon: The Origin of Species

“I hope that you can finish reading this book with the feeling of having a little more understanding about yourself or someone else in your life. I hope that you have more compassion for yourself, and that you allow yourself to make mistakes. Remember: Mistakes are how you grow. And as you make a mess of them, like I have, you’ll realize, like I have, that many things you thought were mistakes weren’t mistakes at all. And you’ll be free from any chains, any judgments, any misunderstandings that people may have placed on you or that you’ve placed on yourself.

Your life is in your hands. That’s what I’ve learned. I’m no longer trapping myself in a very small cage.

I feel free.”
― David Archuleta, Devout: Losing My Faith to Find Myself