Tea

“when they say, "but you survived!"
I smile and nod.
I look around and look within,
for any sign of life or remnants of who I had been.
she’s gone (the girl I used to be).
my heart was destroyed, I survived only physically.
I can’t remember a day I haven't cried;
is this what it means to be alive?
they watch me barely holding onto life,
and then they say, "but you survived!”
― Rose Brik, My Father's Eyes, My Mother's Rage

“this time last year, you were still alive.
[...]
how can everything be just as it was and
completely different at the same time?
how can everyone just go on with life?
I miss the sound of your voice and listening to you complain. I miss
everything about you, I used to hate.”
― Rose Brik, My Father's Eyes, My Mother's Rage

“You have leaves in your hair,” Finny says. “And in your tiara. And everywhere.” I raise my hand and run my fingers through my hair, and he does not move. The sun is gone now, and the evening shifts around us as cars’ headlights throw their light at us and pass on. I see his handsome face and his half smile and the golden lock of hair hanging in his face. I love you, Finny, I think.”
― Laura Nowlin, If He Had Been With Me

“why does being alive feel like I’m dying?”
― Rose Brik, My Father's Eyes, My Mother's Rage