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“But one of the hallmarks of emotional maturity is to recognize the validity of multiple realities and to understand that people think, feel, and react differently. Often we behave as if “closeness” means “sameness.”
― The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships
― The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships
“There’s a widespread belief that if you have solid self-esteem you don’t need outside affirmation and praise. This is patently untrue, by the way.”
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“it is no wonder that it is hard for us to know, let alone admit, that we are angry. Why are angry women so threatening to others? If we are guilty, depressed, or self-doubting, we stay in place. We do not take action except against our own selves and we are unlikely to be agents of personal and social change. In contrast, angry women may change and challenge the lives of us all, as witnessed by the past decade of feminism. And change is an anxiety-arousing and difficult business for everyone, including those of us who are actively pushing for it. Thus, we too learn to fear our own anger, not only because it brings about the disapproval of others, but also because it signals the necessity for change. We may begin to ask ourselves questions that serve to block or invalidate our own experience of anger: “Is my anger legitimate?” “Do I have a right to be angry?” “What’s the use of my getting angry?” “What good will it do?” These questions can be excellent ways of silencing ourselves and shutting off our anger.”
― The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships
― The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships
“feeling angry signals a problem, venting anger does not solve it. Venting anger may serve to maintain, and even rigidify, the old rules and patterns in a relationship, thus ensuring that change does not occur. When emotional intensity is high, many of us engage in nonproductive efforts to change the other person, and in so doing, fail to exercise our power to clarify and change our own selves. The old anger-in/anger-out theory, which states that letting it all hang out offers protection from the psychological hazards of keeping it all pent up, is simply not true. Feelings of depression, low self-esteem, self-betrayal, and even self-hatred are inevitable when we fight but continue to submit to unfair circumstances, when we complain but live in a way that betrays our hopes, values and potentials, or when we find ourselves fulfilling society’s stereotype of the bitchy, nagging, bitter, or destructive woman. Those of us who are locked into ineffective expressions of anger suffer as deeply as those of us who dare not get angry at all.”
― The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships
― The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships
Nittya’s 2024 Year in Books
Take a look at Nittya’s Year in Books, including some fun facts about their reading.
422 books
|
25 friends
359 books
|
36 friends
477 books
|
29 friends
155 books
|
22 friends
413 books
|
14 friends
54 books
|
9 friends
668 books
|
12 friends
1,264 books
|
6 friends
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