Patti

“Cost to clean deeply soiled rugs: $200.
Cost to replace shiny, black, stack-heeled, pilgrim-toed boots: $185.
Cost to fix every single delicious table and chair leg in the house: $490.
Life with two shelter dogs: fucking priceless.”
― Jen Lancaster, Bitter Is the New Black: Confessions of a Condescending, Egomaniacal, Self-Centered Smartass, Or, Why You Should Never Carry A Prada Bag to the Unemployment Office

“I still believe in the Holy Trinity, except now it's Target, Trader Joe's, and IKEA.”
― Jen Lancaster

“I yearn to be a woman of more depth, but I'm not so fond of the path I'd need to follow to get there.”
― Jen Lancaster, Bright Lights, Big Ass

“You know what it was like? It was like thinking I was heading to a surprise party and instead it was a surprise pap smear.”
― Jen Lancaster, Such a Pretty Fat: One Narcissist's Quest to Discover If Her Life Makes Her Ass Look Big, or Why Pie Is Not the Answer