azriel ☆

“Emotions are at the center of a person’s being. But what exists in the center of the world are not emotions. Nothing exists in the center of the world……so don’t chase emotions, Akutagawa. Don’t chase the beast known as yourself. Stand on your two legs, don’t cling to somebody else, stay calm and tough. If you don’t, you won’t survive.”
― Kafka Asagiri

“The tiger was not of this world. It only existed within [Atsushi]. It was his arrogance and cowardice, his pride and sense of shame. The more he tried to hide his weakness, the more exposed it became, like a photographic negative.”
― Kafka Asagiri, 文豪ストレイドッグス 55Minutes [Bungō Stray Dogs 55 Minutes]

“Atsushi hated pain.

But pain had been an intimate part of his life for as long as he could remember. The pain of being stabbed, the pain from being punched, the pain of his hands numbing in the cold, pain inside his head, the pain of hunger—suffering clung to Atsushi like clothing, shaping him. Pain made Atsushi feel like himself. He didn’t know any other way to experience this feeling.

After joining the detective agency, the nature of the pain changed, he got hurt less often, and he stopped feeling miserable. Instead, the crushing pressure of necessity tore at Atsushi’s flesh. It split open his shoulder, pierced his chest, and snapped off his leg. The agony was so unbearable that it was as if he could feel his soul leaving his body, but even then, he fought through the pain because it was worth it. He knew he could stubbornly resist the pain no matter how bad it got.

There’s a beast inside me, thought Atsushi. And that’s not a metaphor. There’s a literal beast inside me. Right now, he’s howling and wildly feasting as he rampages. For some reason or another, he seems to have the power to negate wounds. Not the power to heal them or to recover but to negate. The reason he’s able to do this isn’t totally unrelated to my birth, probably. It’s not unrelated to the suffering I’ve had to bear all these years.

The beast—the tiger—is a manifestation of something within me. I still don’t know what that something is, but if he commands me to stand, then I can’t not stand—just like if he negates my wounds, then my wounds have no choice but to disappear.”
― Kafka Asagiri, 文豪ストレイドッグス 55Minutes [Bungō Stray Dogs 55 Minutes]

“I won't go back to the darkness! I am going to live! Is it really so wrong of me to want to live?!”
― Kafka Asagiri, 文豪ストレイドッグス 55Minutes [Bungō Stray Dogs 55 Minutes]