Allison

“Who doesn't love the smell of gasoline? That's why I decided to make it into a scent for my handcrafted soap. You can use it in the shower, or you can melt it down and use it to fuel your car if things with Iran continue to escalate.”
― Jarod Kintz, Whenever you're here, I'm there for you

“Modern appliances have lifespans rivaling luna moths. Why buy something today that will need to be replaced in a week? Call me old-fashioned, but I want a washer and dryer that at least have the longevity of a fruit fly.”
― Jarod Kintz, Whenever you're here, I'm there for you

“Random book markers are time capsules. You stick them in the book you are reading and then set the book down and forget about it, sometimes for years. Receipts are the best, because they really show reality and how inflation has contributed to the collapse of America.”
― Jarod Kintz, Whenever you're here, I'm there for you

“My motto is I aim to please. Especially when I'm peeing at a urinal in a Walmart bathroom and I accidentally splash piss on the guy's feet standing next to me.”
― Jarod Kintz, Whenever you're here, I'm there for you