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Jarod Kintz
“Some men fight men. Other men fight fires. As for me, I prefer to get both to do my cooking for me.”
Jarod Kintz, Whenever you're here, I'm there for you

Jarod Kintz
“The key to being humorous is being wealthy. The richer you are, the funnier you are to women, and no matter what you say they'll be laughing and giggling.”
Jarod Kintz, Whenever you're here, I'm there for you

Jarod Kintz
“Random book markers are time capsules. You stick them in the book you are reading and then set the book down and forget about it, sometimes for years. Receipts are the best, because they really show reality and how inflation has contributed to the collapse of America.”
Jarod Kintz, Whenever you're here, I'm there for you

Jarod Kintz
“Modern appliances have lifespans rivaling luna moths. Why buy something today that will need to be replaced in a week? Call me old-fashioned, but I want a washer and dryer that at least have the longevity of a fruit fly.”
Jarod Kintz, Whenever you're here, I'm there for you

Jarod Kintz
“My motto is I aim to please. Especially when I'm peeing at a urinal in a Walmart bathroom and I accidentally splash piss on the guy's feet standing next to me.”
Jarod Kintz, Whenever you're here, I'm there for you

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