Diane

“Do you think yourself a string too short to save? Do you think that you are lank and straight, a linear bit with no connection fore or aft? Fear not your insignificance. Nature has a drawer for you. Yes, nature garners all the string too short to save, and mice visit that drawer. Here’s nesting material! Yes, you will be interwoven, be it now or later.”
― Sena Jeter Naslund, Ahab's Wife, or The Star-Gazer

“Being present is not just putting your phone down for a few minutes. It is a way of being, from interaction to interaction, where you consciously inhabit your own body and show up with the best of your attention, offering your presence as a gift.”
― Jessica Fern, Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy

“Being in the same physical space does not necessarily mean that you are here and present with the people you are near. When you are with your partners, are you really focusing on them and giving your full attention, or are you distracted by your phone, by the stresses from the day, by your worries about the future or by your other partners? Are you really listening to your partners when they talk, or are you thinking about other things, only partially listening or mentally preparing for what you want to say next?”
― Jessica Fern, Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy

“Physical proximity is extremely important and necessary for attachment, but it is not sufficient if the quality of presence is poor. Being present with your partner is important for people in any relationship structure, but struggling with presence and availability is a common complaint in nonmonogamous relationships since there are typically more people to attend to in any given day or week. One of the most common complaints that I hear is of situations where partners are spending quality time together and one partner is messaging with other people in ways that feel distracting and interruptive.”
― Jessica Fern, Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy