Diane

“Research shows that it takes babies up to seven months for their attachment to their caregivers to become securely established, and for adults, a securely attached romantic relationship takes approximately two years to really solidify.60”
― Jessica Fern, Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy

“Being our own safe haven and secure base requires that we first have the capacity to be with our self. To sit, to listen, to be available to whatever arises within us.”
― Jessica Fern, Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy

“Physical proximity is extremely important and necessary for attachment, but it is not sufficient if the quality of presence is poor. Being present with your partner is important for people in any relationship structure, but struggling with presence and availability is a common complaint in nonmonogamous relationships since there are typically more people to attend to in any given day or week. One of the most common complaints that I hear is of situations where partners are spending quality time together and one partner is messaging with other people in ways that feel distracting and interruptive.”
― Jessica Fern, Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy

“We can make our partners into the source of our hope, love, strength, ability to feel or regulate our own emotions, as well as the source of our meaning and purpose in life. Our partners can be the inspiration for these things, as well as the objects or focus of our love, but they should not be the source of it. You are the source of your happiness, love, courage, emotional regulation and purpose, and the sooner that you can release your partner from being the source of these experiences the better for everyone involved”
― Jessica Fern, Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy