Mariia

“If she was not careful, he would come to know the world as a place that bent to his every whim, for she did indeed want to bend, because she loved him, but in the hardest moments she grew resentful of this innocent little soul, whose life would be one of ease, one of knowing that he was taken care of and could have whatever he wanted, that the world was in a very real way his. She didn’t want to deny him things, to make his life harder, but already she felt this pull inside her, to make him responsible in a fundamental way, to tell him no and no and no, and, sure, she was trying to train him against what the entire world told him, was trying to say, Look, I am not all yours, I am not only here for you, but of course, ultimately, she was his, all of her.”
― Rachel Yoder, Nightbitch

“She did not allow herself to consider fully these questions, to dwell on what darkness has called forth a monster, a beast, a creature from the deepest and bleakest crannies of her humanness. She did not let herself dwell on the tight ball of fear inside her, because this sort of indulgence was one she could not afford. She must rise from bed, tend to her child, her house, her own well-being. She must pull it together, to put it quite simply, for the sake of her family, because, otherwise, what? This entire thing they has going – this house and family and life – it would all fall to pieces if she feel to pieces, and so she simply could not.”
― Rachel Yoder, Nightbitch

“Since she was ten, the most powerfully loaded word in Dora's house, in her vocabulary, had been opportunity. And from what little she knew or cared about history, it seemed to her that until 1989 the word, the concept, had not existed. Life before the change was all about cigarettes and salted bread rolls for breakfast, maybe a cup of cocoa in a milk house on the way to work or school. It was a dun-colored existence. If a person was ambitious, he or she joined the Party to get ahead, but most people kept their mouths shut and their heads down. They pursued hobbies like photography or tennis; or maybe they climbed mountains or kept a garden and traded whatever extra they had for something they didn't have; or maybe, if they were overly ambitious, they carried whatever extras they could round up to the co-op or the weekly market, and they sold it for a bit of change.”
― Marc Fitten, Elza's Kitchen

“Why can't it just always be like this? she thought. Why, so often, did it seem that she had to muddle from cause to effect, from half-baked decision to tentative action, with no recipe or anything else to guide her? Just muddling. Throwing things into a pot and hoping they'll get along.”
― Marc Fitten, Elza's Kitchen