May Morrison

“How ya doin'?' I always think, What kind of a question is that?, and I always reply, 'A bit early to tell.”
― Christopher Hitchens, Love, Poverty, and War: Journeys and Essays

“I noticed that all the prayers I used to offer to God, and all the prayers I now offer to Joe Pesci, are being answered at about the same fifty percent rate. Half the time I get what I want, half the time I don't...Same as the four-leaf clover and the horseshoe...same as the voodoo lady who tells you your fortune by squeezing the goat's testicles. It's all the same...so just pick your superstition, sit back, make a wish, and enjoy yourself...”
― George Carlin

“A rule of thumb with humor; if you worry that you might be going too far, you have already not gone far enough. If everybody laughs, you have failed.”
― Christopher Hitchens, Letters to a Young Contrarian

“If you're gonna be two-faced at least make one of them pretty.”
― Marilyn Monroe