“As time went on, the line between my Eating Disorder and my self became so blurred that I could not see my Eating Disorder as something separate from me. I lost touch of what it felt like or looked like to eat “normally.” I didn’t know what hunger felt like—because I only knew what hunger felt like. I didn’t know what feeling satisfied felt like, because I only knew what full beyond physical comfort felt like. I had no idea what other people ate or didn’t eat, how often or when, how much or in what combination. My body became such a confusing place to live inside, and I often didn’t recognize it as my own.”
― Where the River Flows: A memoir of loss, love & life with an Eating Disorder
― Where the River Flows: A memoir of loss, love & life with an Eating Disorder
“What started as a longing to be loved and seen for my physical beauty digressed into the warped belief that the illness itself was what drew the attention I so craved. I towed the line between longing for perfection and longing for pity. Using my body as a signaling flag, oscillating between peacocking in times where I felt beautiful, and waving distress calls in the depths of my sickness.
I never used my words, and I didn’t know how to. I used my body.”
― Where the River Flows: A memoir of loss, love & life with an Eating Disorder
I never used my words, and I didn’t know how to. I used my body.”
― Where the River Flows: A memoir of loss, love & life with an Eating Disorder
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