Robert Gill

“I can’t fucking believe he wants to organize my dildos. He shrugs. “Okay. If you decide you want them arranged by frequency of use, that’s fine too.” Then, shocking me so much I lose the power of speech, he winks and adds, “I noticed the grip on the demon one is starting to get worn. You might need to replace it. Though, you should know that there’s no substitute for the real thing.”
― Louisa Masters, Demons Do It Better

“I steer in that direction as Sam says, “No more using the words sex, or come, or porn, or any variation on that theme while you’re in a public place. Use a substitute word instead.” “Like what?” I begin scanning my items. Since nobody’s close enough to see, I go a little faster than a human could. “I don’t know… what about… lamp.” Clearly he’s getting inspiration from his living room décor. “Do you really think me saying ‘I want to lamp him all night long’ is better, Sam?” I ask dryly. “Or ‘I want to lamp in his hair’?”
― Louisa Masters, Hijinks With a Hellhound

“That was close,” Andrew says when they’re gone. “I love Sam, but since he stabbed Alistair with that pencil, I’ve been afraid to turn my back to him.” Since he… “I’m sorry, what?”
― Louisa Masters, Sorcerers Always Satisfy

“Charmain disliked blood almost as much as she disliked earthworms.”
― Diana Wynne Jones, House of Many Ways