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June First
by
My fingers curl. A vicious noose. He does the same to me. We’re throttling and strangling and gagging. And then my mother’s face flashes to mind, her eyes bugged out, mouth open wide. The life snuffed out of her. The hideous purple tie
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“I’ve loved him my whole life, and somewhere along the way, that love didn’t change but grew. It grew to fill the parts of me that I did not have when I was a child. It grew with every new longing in my body and desire in my heart until there was not a piece of me that did not love him. And when I look at him, there is no other feeling in me.”
― If He Had Been with Me
― If He Had Been with Me
“Sometimes I am disappointed with love. I thought that when you were in love, it would always be right there, staring you in the face, reminding you every moment that you love this person. It seems that it isn’t always like that. Sometimes I know that I love Jamie, but I don’t feel it, and I wonder what it would be like to be with someone else. I love him the most when we fight and I am scared that he will leave me. After we fight, I want so much to be close to him, and the next day I want his hand in mine every minute. Sometimes he loves me more than I love him, and he wants me to pay attention to him, but I wish he would leave me alone so that I could go back to reading or talking to Angie about Mrs. Adams. Sometimes we both love each other a lot and it’s hard to hang up at night, and I wish it could always be like that.”
― If He Had Been with Me
― If He Had Been with Me
“Finny said that teaching seemed too normal for me. Isn’t this what all the children’s books and movies are always about? How even if the task seems impossible or you’re too small or you don’t have the right kind of whatever, you’re still supposed to try? Until you get to high school and suddenly you’re supposed to choose a safe path. A path that won’t take you too far from home. A path that isn’t too risky. A path that has health insurance and a 401(k).”
― If He Had Been with Me
― If He Had Been with Me
“She didn’t want to lay roots in the same place that had tried to strangle her, and that made sense. When the roots you were born into shriveled and decayed, the only thing to do was to lay new roots. Build a new home, far away from the dead soil that would decompose you from the inside out.”
― Older
― Older
“We are imperfect people made that way by an imperfect world, and we don’t always get a say in what shapes us.”
― The Last Letter
― The Last Letter
Ava’s 2025 Year in Books
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