Dave Kerr

“Why would you throw a ball in someone's face?...Huh. That's a pretty good reason. Well, I can't do much about your teacher being pissed, but me and you are good.”
― Justin Halpern, Sh*t My Dad Says

“You worry too much. Eat some bacon...What? No, I got no idea if it'll make you feel better. I just made too much bacon.”
― Justin Halpern, Sh*t My Dad Says

“On Being Afraid to Use the Elementary School Bathrooms to Defecate

“Son, you're complaining to the wrong man. I can shit anywhere, at any time. It's one of my finer qualities. Some might say my finest.”
― Justin Halpern, Sh*t My Dad Says

“I just want silence... Jesus, it doesn't mean I don't like you. It just means right now, I like silence more.”
― Justin Halpern, Sh*t My Dad Says