Marita Pethick

“When you're having a hard time, it's natural to feel like you're having the hardest time in the world. And it's not selfish to feel that way.”
― Baek Se-hee, I Want to Die But I Want to Eat Tteokpokki

“It's like you're running inside a hamster wheel. You try to get out of your depression through your efforts but fail, and this continuing cycle of trying and failing feeds back into the original depression.”
― Baek Se-hee, I Want To Die but I Want To Eat Tteokpokki 2

“If twenty-year-old me met me today, she would cry with joy. And that's enough for me.”
― Baek Se-hee, I Want to Die But I Want to Eat Tteokpokki

“I had thought fermentation was controlled death. Left alone, a head of cabbage molds and decomposes. It becomes rotten, inedible. But when brined and stored, the course of its decay is altered. Sugars are broken down to produce lactic acid, which protects it from spoiling. Carbon dioxide is released and the brine acidifies. It ages. Its color and texture transmute. Its flavor becomes tarter, more pungent. It exists in time and transforms. So it is not quite controlled death, because it enjoys a new life altogether.
The memories I had stored, I could not let fester. Could not let trauma infiltrate and spread, to spoil and render them useless. They were moments to be tended. The culture we shared was active, effervescent in my gut and in my genes, and I had to seize it, foster it so it did not die in me. So that I could pass it on someday. The lessons she imparted, the proof of her life lived on in me, in my every move and deed. I was what she left behind. If I could not be with my mother, I would be her.”
― Michelle Zauner, Crying in H Mart