Sebastian

“[English] orthography was devised by a team of misanthropic, megalomaniacal cryptographers who distrusted and despised one another, and so sought to hide the meanings they were tasked with encoding by employing crude, arcane spellings that no one can explain.”
― David J. Peterson, The Art of Language Invention: From Horse-Lords to Dark Elves to Sand Worms, the Words Behind World-Building