Ros

“IN ONE IMPORTANT WAY, an abusive man works like a magician: His tricks largely rely on getting you to look off in the wrong direction, distracting your attention so that you won't notice where the real action is. He draws you into focusing on the turbulent world of his feelings to keep your eyes turned away from the true cause of his abusiveness, which lies in how he thinks. He leads you into a convoluted maze, making your relationship with him a labyrinth of twists and turns. He wants you to puzzle over him, to try to figure him out, as though he were a wonderful but broken machine for which you need only to find and fix the malfunctioning parts to bring it roaring to its full potential. His desire, though he may not admit it even to himself, is that you wrack your brain in this way, so that you won't notice the patterns and logic of his behaviour, the consiousness behind the craziness.”
― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

“Unmasking the abuser also does him a favor because he will not confront-and overcome-his highly destructive problem as long as he can remain hidden”
― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

“The beast that takes him over at other times looks completely unrelated to the tender person she now sees”
― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

“One of the obstacles to recognizing chronic mistreatment in relationships is that most abusive men simply don't seem like abusers. They have many good qualities, including times of kindness, warmth, and humor, especially in the early period of a relationship”
― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men