Ros

“If you could follow the thread of his conduct over a series of relationships, you would find out that his behaviour isn't as erratic as it looks; in fact, it follows a fairly consistent pattern from woman to woman, except for brief relationships or ones he isn't that serious about.”
― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

“IN ONE IMPORTANT WAY, an abusive man works like a magician: His tricks largely rely on getting you to look off in the wrong direction, distracting your attention so that you won't notice where the real action is. He draws you into focusing on the turbulent world of his feelings to keep your eyes turned away from the true cause of his abusiveness, which lies in how he thinks. He leads you into a convoluted maze, making your relationship with him a labyrinth of twists and turns. He wants you to puzzle over him, to try to figure him out, as though he were a wonderful but broken machine for which you need only to find and fix the malfunctioning parts to bring it roaring to its full potential. His desire, though he may not admit it even to himself, is that you wrack your brain in this way, so that you won't notice the patterns and logic of his behaviour, the consiousness behind the craziness.”
― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

“The abuser creates confusion because he has to. He can't control and intimidate you, he can't recruit people around him to take his side, he can't keep escaping the consequences of his actions, unless he can throw everyone off the track. When the world catches on the abuser, his power begins to melt away”
― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

“At times he is aggressive and intimidating, his tone harsh, insults spewing from his mouth, ridicule dripping from him like oil from a drum. When he's in this mode, nothing she says seems to have any impact on him, except to make him even more angrier. Her side of the argument counts for nothing in his eyes, and everything is her fault. He twists her words around so that she always ends up on the defensive.

At other moments, he sounds wounded and lost, hungering for love and for someone to take care of him. When this side of him emerges. He appears open and ready to heal”
― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men