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“If abusiveness were the product of childhood emotional injury, abusers could overcome their problem through psychotherapy. But it is virtually unheard of for an abusive man to make substantial and lasting changes in his pattern of abusiveness as a result of therapy.”
― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

“Feeling sorry for your partner can be a trap, making you feel guilty for standing up to his abusiveness.”
― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

“For some abusive men, the blame-the-childhood approach has an additional reason for being appealing: By focusing on what his mother did wrong, he gets to blame a woman for his mistreatment of women. This explanation can also appeal to the abused woman herself, since it makes sense out of his behavior and gives her someone safe to be angry at since getting angry at him always seems to blow up in her face. The particular, has often jumped on this bandwagon instead of confronting the hard questions that partner abuse raises. Abuse of women by men is so rampant that, unless people can somehow make it women's own fault, they are forced to take on a number of uncomfortable questions about men and about much of male thinking. So it may seem easier to just lay the problem at the feet of the man's mother?”
― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

“In other words, a bad childhood doesn't cause a man to become an abuser, but it can contribute to making a man who is abusive especially dangerous.”
― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men