Bonnie B.

“Put another way, narcissism gives way to intimacy when each person can clearly see the other one as a separate individual and not just as an extension of their own needs, wishes and desires. (‘I can still love you even if you don’t always do what I want, when I want it, and how I want it.’)”
― Stephanie Dowrick, Intimacy and Solitude: Finding new closeness and self-trust in a distanced world

“Someone who has a similar confidence in their own inner reality, and who trusts that they go on existing whether or not anyone else is present, does not need to be constantly checking on their sense of self. They are, without much thinking about it, ‘calm, restful, relaxed and feeling one with people and things when no excitement is around’.”
― Stephanie Dowrick, Intimacy and Solitude: Finding new closeness and self-trust in a distanced world

“Intimacy is not a matter of extending your self-absorption to include someone else. Much more than that, it is a matter of tuning into someone else’s reality and risking being changed by that experience.”
― Stephanie Dowrick, Intimacy and Solitude: Finding new closeness and self-trust in a distanced world

“Intimacy comes alive when you can consciously accept, cope with and even welcome the differences between your inner ideal and the real live person who is sharing your life and perhaps your bed. Someone who is gradually revealed to you with all the surprises, glories, disappointments, human faults and gifts that each of us has in varying measures. And you can accept that. And wish the person well.”
― Stephanie Dowrick, Intimacy and Solitude: Finding new closeness and self-trust in a distanced world