vivi

“Tony and I were fundamentally different. What I mean is we sat in the world differently - he settling into the back cushions, noting with objective precision the grime or glamour of his surroundings, while I hovered, nervous, at the edge of my seat. Often, I felt - more often now - I couldn't even make it to the edge. Instead I flitted from one space to another, calculating whether I would fit, considering the cosmic feeling of unwelcome that emanated from wherever I chose to go.”
― Meng Jin, Self-Portrait with Ghost

“I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig-tree in the story.
From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor... and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite make out.
I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig-tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.”
― Sylvia Plath;bell jar, The Bell Jar

“You both wave as the doors close. She smiles at you as she settles into her seat, waving again. You begin to do the same, chasing after the train in pantomime fashion, spurred on by her laughter. You run and wave and laugh until the train gathers speed and the platform runs out. She escapes the frame, until it is just you on the platform, a little breathless, a little ecstatic, a little sad.”
― Caleb Azumah Nelson, Open Water

“...'I, for example, have several dear friends... Now am I in love with all of these people?'
I continued to press my point: 'Yes,' I said. 'You are a little in love with all those people you care for.”
― Sabahattin Ali, Madonna in a Fur Coat