Susanne Michalek

“We need to listen carefully to the wisdom of our symptoms and to try to decode their meaning, because some of us have learned to settle, to fall silent; to deny that unfair circumstances exist or matter, and then to call our compromises “life.” But our bodies, our deeper unconscious selves, remain harder to fool.”
― Harriet Lerner, The Dance of Connection: How to Talk to Someone When You're Mad, Hurt, Scared, Frustrated, Insulted, Betrayed, or Desperate

“Our first family: where we learned (not) to speak.”
― Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., The Dance of Connection: How to Talk to Someone When You're Mad, Hurt, Scared, Frustrated, Insulted, Betrayed, or Desperate

“Sometimes, the failure of the other person to apologize when they should hits us harder than the deed they should apologize for.”
― Harriet Lerner, Why Won't You Apologize?: Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts

“Having and authentic voice means that:

- We can openly share competence as well as problems and vulnerability.

- We can warm things up and calm them down.

- We can listen and ask questions that allow us to truly know the other person and to gather information about anything that may affect us.

- We can say what we think and feel, state differences, and allow the other person to do the same.

- We can define our values, convictions, principles, and priorities, and do our best to act in accordance with them.

- We can define what we feel entitled to in a relationship, and we can clarify the limits of what we will tolerate or accept in another’s behavior.

- We can leave (meaning that we can financially and emotionally support ourselves), if necessary.”
― Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., The Dance of Connection: How to Talk to Someone When You're Mad, Hurt, Scared, Frustrated, Insulted, Betrayed, or Desperate