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“Psychotherapy should never feel lukewarm.”
― The Fear of Doing Nothing: Notes of a Young Therapist
― The Fear of Doing Nothing: Notes of a Young Therapist
“Therefore, dear Sir, love your solitude and try to sing out with the pain it causes you. For those who are near you are far away... and this shows that the space around you is beginning to grow vast.... be happy about your growth, in which of course you can't take anyone with you, and be gentle with those who stay behind; be confident and calm in front of them and don't torment them with your doubts and don't frighten them with your faith or joy, which they wouldn't be able to comprehend. Seek out some simple and true feeling of what you have in common with them, which doesn't necessarily have to alter when you yourself change again and again; when you see them, love life in a form that is not your own and be indulgent toward those who are growing old, who are afraid of the aloneness that you trust.... and don't expect any understanding; but believe in a love that is being stored up for you like an inheritance, and have faith that in this love there is a strength and a blessing so large that you can travel as far as you wish without having to step outside it.”
― Letters to a Young Poet
― Letters to a Young Poet
“The more someone is hurt and bullied in his life, the more he is not heard or seen, the more he is criticised and belittled - the less likely he is to experience human relations with a lens other than that of his own needs and the pain of those needs not being met.”
― The Fear of Doing Nothing: Notes of a Young Therapist
― The Fear of Doing Nothing: Notes of a Young Therapist
“There is a dichotomy between the humanistic, narrative-based perception of psychology and the academic, empirically based approach to it. The Freuds vs. the white-coated people. It is not an abstract theoretical dispute at all, but rather a reality, which has affected me and probably all students of psychology over the years.”
― The Fear of Doing Nothing: Notes of a Young Therapist
― The Fear of Doing Nothing: Notes of a Young Therapist
“That's a good point. But, some flexibility, some openness... I mean, imagine Virginia Woolf coming for treatment. She's deeply depressed, suicidal. Let's say I'm a neo-Freudian psychotherapist, she even liked Freud so there, and I'm offering her smart neo-Freudian comments. But they don't stick, somehow. What I do doesn't work, she gets even more depressed, even more suicidal. She's about to end her life. So tell me: how arrogant would it be not to try anything that might work? How would I not say to myself: 'Okay, for some reason, the interpretations about her early sexual life and the fact that she's stuck in the oral stage - they don't seem to work, she keeps getting worse... Let's try something else.' Maybe she's more of an intersubjective type, a relationship type, a moment-to-moment person. Or maybe, I should do something like this: 'Virginia, I know that Tuesdays are really tough. God damn these Tuesday mornings... Why don't you go visit your sister, you like her daughter, don't you? Play with her a little... Read her a book, I don't know. Just don't be home by yourself.”
― The Fear of Doing Nothing: Notes of a Young Therapist
― The Fear of Doing Nothing: Notes of a Young Therapist
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