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Project Hail Mary
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by Andy Weir (Goodreads Author)
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Jun 28, 2026 12:16PM

 
Shattered Lands: ...
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Jun 27, 2026 10:40PM

 
The Grieving Brai...
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Mar 14, 2026 05:26AM

 
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“The hardening of an abusive upscale marriage is marked by the following signposts:
• Emotional and physical abuses: The husband’s emotionally and physically abusive behaviors increase and even worsen.
• Coping strategies: The woman’s coping strategies change and intensify to keep up with the husband’s worsening behavior. Her narrative reflects her justifications for staying in her abusive marriage.
• Adapting to the situation: The woman’s denial and rationalizing increases. She uses justification by explanation. She may secretly begin to strategize to leave.
• Mans behaviors that she adapts to: Entitlement, insistence on strict domestic roles, abuse in front of the children or threats to children’s well-being, inadequate or minimal apologies after abusiveness, sexual entitlement and attack on woman’s sexuality.
• Secrecy and isolation: The woman’s need for secrecy increases because there is more to hide and more that she feels would probably be disbelieved.
• Into the fray: The woman’s choices, and her ways of enduring in an abusive marriage and keeping it going, push her that much further into her role as an upscale abused wife.”
Susan Weitzman, Not To People Like Us: Hidden Abuse In Upscale Marriages

“The decisive Turning points and precipitating events that emerged for the women I studied or counseled fell into one of the following categories:
• The husband’s threats to his wife or children’s well-being have become increasingly severe (and may include death threats).
• There has been yet another episode of public humiliation.
• The husband’s abuses and infidelities—in some cases including having children with other women—have accumulated and worsened.
• There has been a violent incident requiring medical attention.
• The woman’s sense of support from her family, friends, or coworkers has increased.
• The woman’s reasons for staying have been satisfied, as when the last planned child has been born or the youngest child has left for or
graduated from college.
• The woman has an extramarital affair, which reminds her that she is desirable and that not all men are abusive.”
Susan Weitzman, Not To People Like Us: Hidden Abuse In Upscale Marriages

“Such behaviors, which can be viewed as various aspects of narcissistic entitlement, take any and all of the following forms:
• Demands that are not necessarily clear, discrete, or consistent about
how the wife should look or behave
• Enforcement of specific requirements as to meal preparation
• Expectations about and imposition of strict domestic roles, especially refusal to help out with childrearing
• Refusal to apologize, even after brutal attacks
• Blaming the wife for any household mishap, whatever the cause
• Creating shifting sands—unpredictable changes in expectations, conflicting and contradictory messages that throw the wife off balance
• Demeaning attacks on the wife’s femininity, sexuality, appearance, and maternal behavior
• Absence of the honeymoon phase after violent episodes or emotionally abusive tirades (or short-lived post-abuse honeymoons)
• Feeling of impunity regarding his behavior
• Interest only in his own sexual gratification and disregard for the wife’s needs, leading sometimes to multiple extramarital affairs, to
which he feels entitled
• Violent reactions to pregnancies; belief that the child is an interloper who threatens his power
• Using money and power as leverage or threat
• Isolating the wife from her friends and family
• Possessiveness and/or jealousy”
Susan Weitzman, Not To People Like Us: Hidden Abuse In Upscale Marriages

“The narcissist, says Gunther,
• expects absolute control over the other’s behavior
• expects the other to respond perfectly
• has an utter incapacity for empathy with the other, the other’s behavior, or the other’s motives
• is unable to distinguish his own issue or problem from the other as a separate entity”
Susan Weitzman, Not To People Like Us: Hidden Abuse In Upscale Marriages

“As the woman grows and changes, she and her therapist may move in and out of the following therapeutic stages.
• The woman recognizes there is a problem, overcomes her reluctance to seek help, and contacts a therapist.
• The therapist ascertains whether the woman is in imminent danger and discusses a safety plan.
• The therapist uses empathic understanding, acceptance, and mirroring to gain the woman’s trust and develop a therapeutic alliance.
• The woman learns the impact of her past, present, and future choices; she comes to understand how she has deceived herself and begins to reconstruct her narrative.
• The woman refocuses on herself, learns to trust her inner voice and perceptions, and reclaims her self.
• The woman mourns the relationship that was (even if she stays in the marriage).
• The woman learns to connect with others in a support network.”
Susan Weitzman, Not To People Like Us: Hidden Abuse In Upscale Marriages

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