Ben

“It's best to love your family as you would a Siberian tiger-from a distance, preferably separated by bars.”
― Stephan Pastis, NOT A BOOK

“Now-what’s our game plan?”
Coach Hedge belched. He’d already had three espressos and a plate of doughnuts, along with two napkins and another flower from the vase on the table. He would’ve eaten the silverware, except Piper had slapped his hand.
“Climb the mountain,” Hedge said. “Kill everything except Piper’s dad. Leave.”
“Thank you General Eisenhower,” Jason grumbles.”
― Rick Riordan, The Lost Hero

“Dad: Honey, have you seen my glasses? I can"t find them.
Mom: I haven't seen them.
Calvin: (with glasses, to Dad) Calvin, go do something you hate! Being miserable builds character!”
― Bill Watterson, Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow Goons

“He was stupid. If I killed everyone who was stupid, I wouldn't have time to sleep.”
― Tamora Pierce, In the Hand of the Goddess