“When so much of online abuse is driven by a failure to empathize with someone on the other side of the screen, turning those who are abusive online into some unknowable, unstoppable force of nature is a damaging mind-set. If we don’t try to understand them on a human, personal level, then we are moving forward in the dark. By dubbing them “those people,” we are also explicitly setting ourselves apart as if we aren’t one of them and thus can’t be part of the problem. Therein lies the most common trap we fall into when trying to make the internet a safer place: framing it as a war of good people versus bad people instead of looking at acceptable and unacceptable ways to treat each other. “Good people” get off the hook for doing bad things, while “bad people” aren’t considered worth understanding or empathizing with and aren’t encouraged to progress, evolve, and do better.”
― Crash Override: How Gamergate (Nearly) Destroyed My Life
― Crash Override: How Gamergate (Nearly) Destroyed My Life
“If genocide is ultimately an act of erasure, denial is its final, comprehensive deed.”
― Down with the System: A Memoir
― Down with the System: A Memoir
“What cannot be mended must be transcended.”
― Tehanu
― Tehanu
“I remember hearing a saying long ago: ‘Men who start by burning books end by burning other men,’ ” I said.”
― The Memory Police
― The Memory Police
“I thought I was the good guy. It might sound unbelievable, but most people in mobs believe this, even while they’re doing horrible things. In all my time as an activist, I’ve never seen a single instance where the people instigating abuse, even in the worst possible cases, thought they were the “bad guys.” There is always a righteous undertone. Dehumanization works its mental magic, and turning the target into a “villain” provides the attacker with the chance to be a “hero.” You can rationalize doing all kinds of things to a symbol that you would never do to a human. The campaign becomes a false battle between good and evil, and tormenting someone is seen as a struggle over something much larger than either of you.”
― Crash Override: How Gamergate (Nearly) Destroyed My Life
― Crash Override: How Gamergate (Nearly) Destroyed My Life
Melissa’s 2025 Year in Books
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