Steffan Bard

“Protracted loneliness causes you to shut down socially, and to be more suspicious of any social contact, he found. You become hypervigilant. You start to be more likely to take offense where none was intended, and to be afraid of strangers. You start to be afraid of the very thing you need most. John calls this a “snowball” effect, as disconnection spirals into more disconnection. Lonely people are scanning for threats because they unconsciously know that nobody is looking out for them, so no one will help them if they are hurt. This snowball effect, he learned, can be reversed—but to help a depressed or severely anxious person out of it, they need more love, and more reassurance, than they would have needed in the first place. The tragedy, John realized, is that many depressed and anxious people receive less love, as they become harder to be around. Indeed, they receive judgment, and criticism, and this accelerates their retreat from the world. They snowball into an ever colder place.”
― Johann Hari, Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression – and the Unexpected Solutions

“if you can feel into both sides and articulate them, growing together happens. The solution to war is not peace but growing together.”
― Arnold Mindell, The Deep Democracy of Open Forums: Practical Steps to Conflict Prevention and Resolution for the Family, Workplace, and World

“In fact, we or someone else can become terrifying, even while we are trying to save the day by insisting others be more egalitarian and conscious. Often such well-meaning, group "consciousness bringers" are unaware of how they push others about. Any one of us can unwittingly hurt others simply by being unaware of the powers we have and how we use them. If we are not careful, the very attempt to "raise consciousness" can simply recycle the very abusive behavior we hope to correct.”
― Arnold Mindell, The Deep Democracy of Open Forums: Practical Steps to Conflict Prevention and Resolution for the Family, Workplace, and World

“expecting those with rank to recognize their unconsciousness means asking that they be of a higher spiritual and intellectual caliber than the rest of the participants. While this demand seems, at first, to be warranted, it usually meets with resistance because those with rank experience themselves as being oppressed, first, by the participants who are criticizing them, then by the facilitators. The people who revolt against rank are, in the moment of attack, not only victims, but also powerful in a sort of spiritual way. They feel empowered by their quest for “justice.” Like those who provoked them, however, they are often unconscious of their power. Victims don’t automatically deserve halos.”
― Arnold Mindell, Sitting in the Fire: Large Group Transformation Using Conflict and Diversity