KC

“Psf. I'm not an alcoholic. An alcoholic needs a drink. Look here," I explained raising my next shot to her. "I already have one. S therefore, I do not need one. Which makes me not an alcoholic.”
― Christine Zolendz, Saving Grace

“Holy fellatio! You are standing there licking him up with your eyes! Do you freaking hear the old seventies porn music playing in your head?”
― Christine Zolendz, Saving Grace

“Got plans for the rest of the day ?"
"No plans," I whispered. Test drive your mattress? Let me pretend to be a Skittle and you can taste my rainbow? Fifty Shades me? Please ! Oh, holy horror, I'm freaking losing it. ”
― Christine Zolendz, Saving Grace

“There are five levels of the douche hierarchy: douche, douche bag, douche canoe, douche nozzle and right at the top, the king of it all, when the douche is displaying phenomenal amounts of doucheness, is a douche rocket. It’s when someone is such a douche, like the KING of douches, they can no longer be described as a douche nozzle, they are ALL the levels of douchery put together, and douche rocked is used.”
― Christine Zolendz, Scars and Songs