He turned twenty during this time, but this special watershed—becoming an adult—meant nothing. Taking his own life seemed the most natural solution, and even now he couldn’t say why he hadn’t taken this final step.
“What if I forgave myself? I thought. What if I forgave myself even though I'd done something I shouldn't have? What if I was a liar and a cheat and there was no excuse for what I'd done other than because it was what I wanted and needed to do? What if I was sorry, but if I could go back in time I wouldn't do anything differently than I had done? What if I'd actually wanted to fuck every one of those men? What if heroin taught me something? What if yes was the right answer instead of no? What if what made me do all those things everyone thought I shouldn't have done was what also had got me here? What if I was never redeemed? What if I already was?”
― Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail
― Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail
“Apart from this lying, or because of it, what most tormented Ivan Ilych was that no one pitied him as he wished to be pitied. At certain moments after prolonged suffering he wished most of all (though he would have been ashamed to confess it) for someone to pity him as a sick child is pitied.”
― The Death of Ivan Ilych
― The Death of Ivan Ilych
“It may be the wrong decision, but fuck it, it's mine.”
― House of Leaves
― House of Leaves
“Excuse me, I said. I thought you were a trout stream.
I'm not, she said.”
― Trout Fishing in America
I'm not, she said.”
― Trout Fishing in America
“You never enjoy the world aright, till the sea itself floweth in your veins, till you are clothed with the heavens, and crowned with the stars.”
― On Having No Head: Zen and the Rediscovery of the Obvious
― On Having No Head: Zen and the Rediscovery of the Obvious
Mike’s 2025 Year in Books
Take a look at Mike’s Year in Books, including some fun facts about their reading.
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