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“Eileen's parents' lack of limits on her hurt her character development. Though she was a loving wife, mother and worker, others were constantly frustrated at her undisciplined, careless way of living. It costs others a lot to be in relationship with her. Yet she was so loveable that most of her friends didn't want to hurt her feelings by confronting her. So the problem remained unsolved.
Lack of parental boundaries is the opposite of hostility. Again, biblical discipline would have provided the necessary structure to help Eileen develop her character.”
― Boundaries
Lack of parental boundaries is the opposite of hostility. Again, biblical discipline would have provided the necessary structure to help Eileen develop her character.”
― Boundaries
“Have we not been claimed? Adopted? Rom 8:15 God searched you out. Before you knew you needed adopting, He'd already filed the papers and selected the wallpaper for your room. Rm 8:29.
Abandon you to a fatherless world? No way. Those privy to God's family Bible can read your name. He wrote it there. What's more? He covered the adoption fees. I could not pay my way ou tof the orphanage, so God sent Christ to buy freedom for us. Gal 4:5.
We don't finance our adoption, but we do accept it. You could tell God to get lost. But you wouldn't dare would you? The moment we accept his offer we go from orphans to heirs. Rm 8:17.
You are headed home.
Oh but we forget. Don't we grow accustomed to hard bunks and tin plates? 1 Peter 2:11 How long has it been since you showed someone your pictures?
Adopted but not transported. A new family but not our new house. Know our Father's name but not his face. He has claimed but has yet to come for us. So here we are. Caught between what is and what will be. No longer orphans, but not yet home. How do we live in the MEANtime? Rm 8:23-25”
― Come Thirsty: No Heart Too Dry for His Touch
Abandon you to a fatherless world? No way. Those privy to God's family Bible can read your name. He wrote it there. What's more? He covered the adoption fees. I could not pay my way ou tof the orphanage, so God sent Christ to buy freedom for us. Gal 4:5.
We don't finance our adoption, but we do accept it. You could tell God to get lost. But you wouldn't dare would you? The moment we accept his offer we go from orphans to heirs. Rm 8:17.
You are headed home.
Oh but we forget. Don't we grow accustomed to hard bunks and tin plates? 1 Peter 2:11 How long has it been since you showed someone your pictures?
Adopted but not transported. A new family but not our new house. Know our Father's name but not his face. He has claimed but has yet to come for us. So here we are. Caught between what is and what will be. No longer orphans, but not yet home. How do we live in the MEANtime? Rm 8:23-25”
― Come Thirsty: No Heart Too Dry for His Touch
“Children whose paretns whithdraw when they start setting limits learn to accentuate and develop their compliant, loving, sensitive parts. At the same time, they learn to fear, distrust and hate their aggressive, truth-telling and separate parts. If someone they love pulls away when they become angry, cantankerous or experimental, children learn to hide these parts of themselves.
Parents who tell their children, "It hurts us when you're angry" make the child responsible for the emotional health of the parent. In effect, the child has just been made the parent of the parent - sometimes at two or three years old. It's far, far better to say, "I know you're angry, but you still can't have that toy." And then take your hurt feelings to a spouse, friend or the Lord. pg. 75”
― Boundaries
Parents who tell their children, "It hurts us when you're angry" make the child responsible for the emotional health of the parent. In effect, the child has just been made the parent of the parent - sometimes at two or three years old. It's far, far better to say, "I know you're angry, but you still can't have that toy." And then take your hurt feelings to a spouse, friend or the Lord. pg. 75”
― Boundaries
“No matter how much you talk to yourself, read, study or practice, you can't develop or set boundaries apart from supportive relationships with God and others. Don't even try to start...until you have entered into deep, abiding attachments with people who will love you no matter what.
Our deepest need is to belong, to be in a relationship, to have a spiritual and emotional 'home'. 1 John 4:16
...Attachment is the foundation of the soul's existence. When this foundation is cracked or faulty, boundaries become impossible to develop. ///When we are not secure that we are loved, we are forced to choose between two bad options: 1. set limits and risk losing a relationship. 2. don't set limits and remain a prisoner to the wishes of another.
p.64”
― Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life
Our deepest need is to belong, to be in a relationship, to have a spiritual and emotional 'home'. 1 John 4:16
...Attachment is the foundation of the soul's existence. When this foundation is cracked or faulty, boundaries become impossible to develop. ///When we are not secure that we are loved, we are forced to choose between two bad options: 1. set limits and risk losing a relationship. 2. don't set limits and remain a prisoner to the wishes of another.
p.64”
― Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life
“The Law of Activity
Many times we have boundary problems because we lack initiative - the God-given ability to propel ourselves into life. We respond to invitations and push ourselves into life.
The best boundaries are formed when a child is pushing against the world naturally, and the outside world sets its limits on the child. In this way, the aggressive child has learned limits without losing his or her spirit. Our spiritual and emotional well-being depends on our having this spirit.
Consider the contrast in the parable of the talents. The ones who succeeded were ACTIVE and assertive. They initiated and pushed. The one who lost out was PASSIVE and inactive.
The sad thing is that many people who are passive are not inherently evil or bad people. But evil is an active force and passivity can become an ally of evil by NOT pushing against it. Passivity never pays off. God will match our effort, but he will never do our work for us. That would be an invasion of our boundaries. He wants us to be assertive and active, seeking and knocking on the door of life.
We know that God is not mean to people who are afraid; the Scriptures is full of examples of his compassion. But he will not enable passivity. The wicked and lazy servant was passive. He did not try. God's grace covers failure but it cannot makeup for passivity. We have to do our part.
The sin God rebukes is not trying and failing, but failing to try. Trying, failing, and trying again is called learning. Failing to try will have no good result; evil will triumph. HEBREWS 10:38-39 … do not shrink back.
Passive shrinking back is intolerable to God, and when we understand how destructive it is to the soul, we can see why God does not tolerate it. God wants us to preserve our souls. That is the role of boundaries; they define and preserve our property, our soul.
p. 99”
― Boundaries
Many times we have boundary problems because we lack initiative - the God-given ability to propel ourselves into life. We respond to invitations and push ourselves into life.
The best boundaries are formed when a child is pushing against the world naturally, and the outside world sets its limits on the child. In this way, the aggressive child has learned limits without losing his or her spirit. Our spiritual and emotional well-being depends on our having this spirit.
Consider the contrast in the parable of the talents. The ones who succeeded were ACTIVE and assertive. They initiated and pushed. The one who lost out was PASSIVE and inactive.
The sad thing is that many people who are passive are not inherently evil or bad people. But evil is an active force and passivity can become an ally of evil by NOT pushing against it. Passivity never pays off. God will match our effort, but he will never do our work for us. That would be an invasion of our boundaries. He wants us to be assertive and active, seeking and knocking on the door of life.
We know that God is not mean to people who are afraid; the Scriptures is full of examples of his compassion. But he will not enable passivity. The wicked and lazy servant was passive. He did not try. God's grace covers failure but it cannot makeup for passivity. We have to do our part.
The sin God rebukes is not trying and failing, but failing to try. Trying, failing, and trying again is called learning. Failing to try will have no good result; evil will triumph. HEBREWS 10:38-39 … do not shrink back.
Passive shrinking back is intolerable to God, and when we understand how destructive it is to the soul, we can see why God does not tolerate it. God wants us to preserve our souls. That is the role of boundaries; they define and preserve our property, our soul.
p. 99”
― Boundaries
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