Cassie Thompson

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Lázár
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Reflections of a ...
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Apr 12, 2026 06:53PM

 
Death Poems
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Claire Dederer
“An aside on the question of pleasure. The subject didn't really get much pleasure from all this fornicating she was doing. The compulsion wasn't to feel good, it was to enjoy the feeling of making someone want her, of making someone else feel good. Frequency of condition was high, in fact constant.”
Claire Dederer, Love and Trouble: A Midlife Reckoning

Garth Sundem
“With drugs, people almost universally want them more than they end up liking them. With sex it can be the other way around. People can end up liking sex more than they initially wanted it, especially as both men and women get older, and with more time in a relationship.”
Garth Sundem, Brain Trust: 93 Top Scientists Reveal Lab-Tested Secrets to Surfing, Dating, Dieting, Gambling, Growing Man-Eating Plants, and More!

John Kim
“He defined love based on how much sex they had. If they weren't having sex, he felt unloved and rejected. If they were having a lot of sex, he felt loved and desired. But Maddie didn't enjoy sex. She usually just did it for him. This made him feel tricked, because she had presented herself as a "highly sexual person" when they first met, but after a year he realized she wasn't.”
John Kim, Single On Purpose: Redefine Everything. Find Yourself First.

Claire Dederer
“Jess herself seemed resolutely asexual, though I later of torrid affairs, and complex intrigues. This quality of holding back was very important for me to see. She'd held herself apart a little. She didn't pretend she wasn't beautiful, there was nothing coy in her, but she wasn't very interested in using her beauty's power. That fascinated me. I had never thought of that as an option. Just letting your beauty lie around, unused. She was a model of a different way of being.”
Claire Dederer, Love and Trouble: A Midlife Reckoning

John Kim
“Dave has always equated love with sex. That idea had started early on with pornographic images which wired him a certain way. It was reinforced by guy talk in locker rooms, he played sports in high school and college, and through relationships with women who also defined love as sex. It was all he knew, but as it turned out, most of those women had been sexually abused in ways that disconnected them from their bodies and wired them to be highly sexual. It came out that Maddie was also sexually abused, which Dave didn't know, but she had gone the other way in reaction to that trauma. She didn't enjoy sex. Sex was a device, something she used to attract men, not something that brought her pleasure.”
John Kim, Single On Purpose: Redefine Everything. Find Yourself First.

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