Spazfungus

“Hacker with Bullhorn: "Save your money! Accept one of our free tanks! It is invulnerable, and can drive across rocks and swamps at ninety miles an hour while getting a hundred miles to the gallon!"
Prospective Station Wagon Buyer: "I know what you say is true...but...er...I don't know how to maintain a tank!"
Bullhorn: "You don't know how to maintain a station wagon either!"
Buyer: "But this dealership has mechanics on staff. If something goes wrong with my station wagon, I can take a day off work, bring it here, and pay them to work on it while I sit in the waiting room for hours, listening to elevator music."
Bullhorn: "But if you accept one of our free tanks, we will send volunteers to your house to fix it for free while you sleep!"
Buyer: "Stay away from my house, you freak!”
― Neal Stephenson, In the Beginning...Was the Command Line

“He isn't stupid, but his interests are so narrow I doubt I could slip a sheet of paper in between them”
― Mercedes Lackey, Beauty and the Werewolf

“The truth of the matter is that I had been knocked so a-cock by the notion that I didn't really care tuppence for Corinna that I wasn't quite certain at the time of my own complete sanity. It comes as the devil of a shock, you see, to realise you've let a milk-and-water miss with a pretty face charm you out of your senses, and that you've been building your life for two years around a girl who never existed except in your own imagination”
― Clare Darcy, Elyza

“Yeah, but I forgot to take my George Orwell-shaped multivitamins along with my breakfast bowl of Big Brother Os this morning.”
― Jim Butcher, White Night