Levi Hejl

“Using the Time-Out The time-out process involves six steps, each of which needs to be followed or the time-out will not work. We’ve used the word TEMPER to make the steps easier to remember. T—Take your temperature. Find out if you are at or near your exit point temperature. If you are, proceed with the time-out. E—Explain toyour partner that you need to take a time-out. Let her know you are concerned that if you stay any longer, you may not be able to manage your behavior. M—Mention exactly how many minutes you’ll be gone. We suggest thirty to sixty minutes. P—Promise to return. Tell her that you know your discussion is important and that you want to try to resolve the issue. E—Exit. Leave your home. Going to the basement or garage is not adequate. Use calm breathing and positive self-talk to help quiet yourself and let go of your anger. It may help to take a walk or do another form of exercise. Do not go to a bar, casino, or any other place that interferes with your calming down and thinking clearly. R—Return at the designated time and continue the discussion. If the time-out hasn’t been long enough to let you calm down, then explain to your partner that you need more time. Take another time-out. Once again, let her know how long you will be gone, and promise to return. Returning on time is important; if you don’t, your partner is unlikely to believe you the next time.”
― Charlie Donaldson, Stop Hurting the Woman You Love: Breaking the Cycle of Abusive Behavior