Ellen

“As with most of life's problems, this one can be solved by a box of pure radiation.”
― Andy Weir, The Martian

“Maybe I’ll post a consumer review. “Brought product to surface of Mars. It stopped working. 0/10.”
― Andy Weir, The Martian

“I call it Andskoti, the Adversary. It is woven with the most powerful paradoxes in the Nine Worlds—Wi-Fi with no lag, a politician’s sincerity, a printer that prints, healthy deep-fried food, and an interesting grammar lecture!”
― Rick Riordan, The Sword of Summer

“Could you do a glamour and turn into something smaller?" I asked it. "Preferably not a chain, since it's no longer the 1990s?"

The sword didn't reply (duh), but I imagined it was humming at a more interrogative pitch, like, Such as what?

"I dunno. Something pocket-size and innocuous. A pen, maybe?"

The sword pulsed, almost like it was laughing. I imagined it saying, A pen sword. That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard.”
― Rick Riordan, The Sword of Summer