Jason

“No! Please! I'll tell you whatever you want to know!" the man yelled.
"Really?" said Vimes. "What's the orbital velocity of the moon?"
"What?"
"Oh, you'd like something simpler?”
― Terry Pratchett, Night Watch

“If complete and utter chaos was lightning, then he'd be the sort to stand on a hilltop in a thunderstorm wearing wet copper armour and shouting 'All gods are bastards!”
― Terry Pratchett, The Color of Magic

“Real children do not go hoppity skip unless they are on drugs.”
― Terry Pratchett, Hogfather

“And what would humans be without love?"
RARE, said Death.”
― Terry Pratchett, Sourcery