Joanna Carden

“If people really grew up, there would be no crime, no divorce, no Civil War reenactors....it's not like you think it will be, that one day you'll wake up and realize that you've got things figured out. You never figure it out. Ever." - Isabel Spellman attempting to explain growing up to her sister Rae”
― Lisa Lutz, Curse of the Spellmans

“When I hug her, I notice she's still wearing yesterday's false eyelashes.
Mom? You know those come off with a little makeup remover and a cotton pad?"
I'm not taking them off."
Why not?"
I spent $180 on that makeup job and I refuse to wash my face until I get my money's worth.”
― Jen Lancaster, Bitter Is the New Black: Confessions of a Condescending, Egomaniacal, Self-Centered Smartass, Or, Why You Should Never Carry A Prada Bag to the Unemployment Office

“For the record? I have never been her baby. In fact, I reject the notion of coming out of her body. I prefer to believe I was hatched, or perhaps purchased.”
― Jen Lancaster, Pretty in Plaid

“In the long run, all wrongs are righted, every minus is equalized with a plus, the columns are totaled and the totals are found correct. But that's in the long run. We must live in the short run and matters are often unjust there. The compensating for us of the universe makes all the accounts come out even, but they grind down the good as well as the wicked in the process.”
― Michael Connelly, The Poet