Joanna Carden

“When I hug her, I notice she's still wearing yesterday's false eyelashes.
Mom? You know those come off with a little makeup remover and a cotton pad?"
I'm not taking them off."
Why not?"
I spent $180 on that makeup job and I refuse to wash my face until I get my money's worth.”
― Jen Lancaster, Bitter Is the New Black: Confessions of a Condescending, Egomaniacal, Self-Centered Smartass, Or, Why You Should Never Carry A Prada Bag to the Unemployment Office

“Give your heart to everybody you meet. The rest is pretense.”
― Ethan Hawke, Ash Wednesday

“Despite my best efforts, I'm not quite perfect. Let's just say I'm like one of those Hopi blankets where they leave a tiny flaw so as to not affront the Lord.”
― Jen Lancaster, Bitter Is the New Black: Confessions of a Condescending, Egomaniacal, Self-Centered Smartass, Or, Why You Should Never Carry A Prada Bag to the Unemployment Office

“In the long run, all wrongs are righted, every minus is equalized with a plus, the columns are totaled and the totals are found correct. But that's in the long run. We must live in the short run and matters are often unjust there. The compensating for us of the universe makes all the accounts come out even, but they grind down the good as well as the wicked in the process.”
― Michael Connelly, The Poet